Friends!

Congrats you found my vents where I write out all of my problems that are going on in my life

I'm never finding true love because every time I fall in love with someone and begin dating them, I mess it up and ruin it. I just wish I could love someone and stay with them without any mistrust or mistakes caused by me.I also feel like I can never make it as a YouTuber and I should give up on it because of how horrible and boring my videos are it feels like even if I were to make it as a YouTuber it wouldn't even feel like they wouldn't even be real people so I might quit.I wonder what life would be like if I never dated anyoneI lowkey to kmsHow do I know if my friends are genuine because they are always leaving me to go on private calls I'm starting to think that im just annoying or hated now. I feel like I should just leave all my "Friends" and start a new life with my personality not personalities based on other people's likesWhy am I falling for my close female best friend wtf is wrong with meMaybe I should kms all I am is an annoying nobody who only gets on everyone's nerves what is the point of living anymore someone who I thought was my best friend thinks of me as the most annoying person they know..The thing that sucks is that I went to his house so I can't even cry and let my feelings out bad enough my ex blames me for ruining his relationship so I just have more emotions to hide deep down and never let out.Another thing is that I keep being called ugly, dumb, and stupid it hurts but it's not visible damage it hurts deep downI just wish people would care about how I feel. Instead of calling me names and insulting me always it just makes me want to kmsWhy does the person I love fucking bullies me 24/7 it just makes me hate livingI'm never going to have someone to love for myself, everyone around me has someone my brother has Sadie, Will has Chloe, dust has Horror, and my IRL friends even have someone3/5/24 Unknown time
Why when I feel like I'm recovering I always still feel hurt. I feel happy but hurt. I don't understand what's going on anymore. I need to open up more but I don't want to put the stress on people.3/14/24 11:53 PM
I have gotten info about the one person I liked who Didn't even like me when we started dating didn't even have feelings for me and lied about wanting to date me and made me seem like a villain saying I never respond to her messages when I always do I might take me a bit if I'm busy. Still, I always respond and she only got feelings for me half way through the relationship and lost them because I don't call her and talk to her much because I'm busy and says I never give her attention when all she needs to do is ask I just want to end the relationship between me and her. Still, I don't want to leak where I got the info from.3/17/24 1:20 am
Idk what to do the person i'm dating seems like she likes me but at the same time i got info from my bff about how she said that she doesn't have feelings for me and only had feelings for me for a little bit and didn't even like me in the beginning i just makes me wonder does she really love me or does she not3/17/24 1:33 am
This entry is kinda useless but i have finally found out what truly calms me down and what truly calms me down is music3/17/24 4:18 amI have this odd constant feeling of being hurt when something is triggering it. I don't know what to do. Do I just ignore it or do nothing? I'm happy I have Chloe. She is there to help me through this. She is a great friend. But I'm starting to dislike isa but at the same time I still love her after everything I have heard about her.3/17/24 8:18 pmI need help… i cant even apologies even when i know im in the wrong what is wrong with me..3/19/24 11:05Why.. Why do I have feelings for my best friend aka my best friends gf
What is wrong with me I literally have a gf and am now having feelings for my bff just what is wrong with me I wish I was dead…3/21/34 Unknown timeI'm a horrible best friend I always pick on will and tease will even though I know he had a bad past life what is wrong with me maybe I should just stop talking to will his life would be better without me then he wouldn't have someone always being a dick to him I'm a horrible best friend…3/22/24 7:49 amI wish I had someone to talk about my problems with I would talk to Chloe about them. Still, Chloe already has her problems I just don't want to be a burden to her or anyone3/27/24 11:45 pmPeople keep offering to help me with my problems but I keep shutting them out even though I need the help'm just scared I will make them have problems or become a burden to them.3/28/24 5:50 amI truly love my friends and all but them always correcting me hurts. It makes me want do die.
Also the fact that idfk what to do anymore when I fucking love 3 people(Chloe,hen and dust) I know that chloes liked me or might still but the fact that i know dust also likes me but shes taken by horror i also know hen also likes me back i think just doesnt want to deal with any of the bs. I wish i could have someone to truely open up to but I dont truely have someone to put all my trust into because im afraid that the person i truly open up to will eventually leave me and start telling people my trama and making my life into more of a living hell then what it already is.3/31/24 12:27 am
I dont know why but almost every day i want fucking cry my eyes out idk if it the fact that i know the people i like,like me back but cant date me or if it because i have bad memories when some one brings up certent things or if im just be over reacting over nothing3/31/24 2:00 PMMy Mental Sanity Is Crumbling. I have been struggling this whole week to stay stable but I can stay stable with constant reminders of how shitty I used to be...4/8/2024 3:03 PMWhy do I feel like I will never be good enough that someone will always be better and that I will always be worse why do I always feel like I'm the last option the option that is the least liked I need to start talking about my problems to people but I just feel like if I do I will be consisted weak for half of my issues and consisted winy7/22/24
^{This isn't a vent but I just want to say I have been doing a whole lot better been talking with friends and have finally started to find who I am I'm finally not based off of others personality meaning that this might never be touched again}8/5/24
I thought I was finally done with problems in my life till today I have been starting to feel like I'm being replaced I have a feeling its just my mind playing tricks on me but it still hurts like fucking hell all I wanna do if fucking curl up into a ball and fucking cry.8/22/24
Why do I never pay attention to other people's feelings I keep hurting the people I care about maybe if I disappeared they wouldn't have to be hurt because of me.10/5/2024
I wanna cry i tbh don't know why I don't know why shit bothers me so much why cant i just be a normal person and not be affected by simple things am i really just that fucking weak?..12/10/2024
I Found out recently that I have separation anxiety

status:Doing well